hanging on another day... just to see what you throw my way

this is a new song ive come across by lifehouse called broken, apparently it has also been on greys anatomy. the lyrics are...

The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time
I am here still waiting though i still have my doubts
I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain, there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you

The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead
I still see your reflection inside of my eyes
That are looking for a purpose, they're still looking for life

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
with a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain (in the pain), is there healing
In your name (in your name) I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')
I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm hangin' on another day
Just to see what you throw my way
And I'm hanging on to the words you say
You said that I will be OK

The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone
I may have lost my way now, haven't forgotten my way home

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
with a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain(In the pain) there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'),
I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'),
I'm barely holdin' on to you


i found it hard to find a song for this, as im finding it hard to find anything at the moment, uni is over and im lost. i dont feel i live in london and it is lonely and stressful being overlooked at work even though i work so hard. its hard to put on a front that you dont care when all you want to do is scream why am i not good enough! i am so sad at the moment and i cant for the life of me figure out why.
i just feel like crying all the time. things with the guy were going great but after a 2nd date he seems distant and busy and i just feel like i cant throw myself out there cos if i get rejected again im scared it will break me.
my brother called today from his training to get help filling out his will, hes in the army for basic training working with live explosives so its a precaution but at 18 and hes thinking about the end of his life. its scary to think about and everytime i do i just want to cry.
i dont know where im going and i dont know how to get the momentum to keep trying anymore. i seem to have lost so much and dont have a sense of belonging anywhere, i want to find someone who can be there and love me but everytime i try it seems to fail.
i watched the curious case of benjamin button yesterday which is a lovely film by the way, i guess thats why i liked the lyrics about the clocks at the beginning of this song because the film talks about a man who makes a clock that ticks backwards in order to somehow turn back time so his son comes home and hasnt died.
i dont know what im trying to say and i dont really know why im telling everyone because its only me that can drag myself out of this. i just dont want to be falling apart and putting on a face anymore, but at the same time i have to hold it together because noone else can do it for me.
i wrote to a friend yesterday asking for a hand, not knowing what i wanted or how they could help but it was an attempt at making an effort but they havent read it yet. i wonder what would happen if i called, what would i say, what would they say? would they hang up or would i cry? i hate this confusion and i cant see the light at the end of this tunnel even though i point it out for everyone else.
i miss my brother, i love him so much and he is someone i can talk to no matter what, he is the best person i know and better than me in every way. going to see him in catterick soon and i know i wont want to say goodbye again, i miss him and just want him home, so i can feel like im not alone, how selfish is that.