'No one can make me feel this way, you always seem to brighten up my day'

not done a post in a while so thought i would update.. went to the london aquarium with matt today, was really nice cos got to spend time with matt before he goes away to sonisphere for the weekend and before he meets the parents next week :D i know theyre going to think he is awesome just like i do. london aquarium was lovely but i did love the terrapins most, they are sooo very sweet.
I also was reminded of a phrase that i love today : "where words fail, music speaks" which just really reminds me about why i called this blog what i did, because like art i feel music even more so speaks to everyone which is a feeling i love, just that a song or feeling in lyrics and a mood of a song can help people through the lows and help to celebrate the highs, i got lots of books on music and art from the library the other day so i can try n get reading to carry on my dissotation draft as this is my topic, music as a kind of art for the masses and it is this kind of ability to reach in and evoke emotion in people that i feel some art lacks and is why i am interested in works that relate to the self and are sometimes intereactive.
anyways i found a song to sum up life at the moment, particularly in the relationship area ^-^

Happy by Brandy:

I don't even know
How it got this way
When I first met you
I never thought your love was true
But I'm glad I saw just what was in store
All the while you plan to be my man
Now I'm in love with you

You make me happy
You make me feel so good
With the things you do for me
Oh baby can't you see that
You make me happy
Make me feel so good
With the things you do for me
Oh baby, baby, baby

In search of happiness
Tryin' to find thatone
Who can make my life so complete baby
If I only knew that someone was you boy
There would have been more happy days
So don't you go away

No one can make me feel this way
You always seem to brighten up my day

There is a time and a place for everything...

someone tagged a photo i had taken in berlin and it reminded me of a poem i could not quite recall so i looked it up :

To everything there is a season,
And a time to every purpose under the heaven.
A time to be born, and a time to die;
A time to plant, and a time to pluck
that which is planted;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to get, and a time to lose;
A time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to love, and a time to hate;
A time of war, and time of peace.

-Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

I then remembered this poem is quoted in footloose which is an awesome film but I love this poem and the photo so i thought i would post it, i love it because it is hopeful, it reminds me and others (i think) that when your down its ok because that is the time to be sad but there will come a time to be happy again and it will be all the more joyful because you have that sadness to compare it to. I am happy at the moment and im glad i held out for that special time to come about, just to remind all my friends if you are down and feel its not worth fighting or things are never going to look up, it is worth it, things will get better and you will never look back :D

My first post as a 21 year old...

so..... last night was my 21st birthday, after many facebook messages (thankyou all) and spending the day shopping and having a pub lunch with megan it was time to get ready for the club that is electric ballroom for the evening woooo!! I recieved some beautiful presents all of which were very thoughtful and greatly appreciated. the drive up to the club was fun, me, matt, jaz, tammy, megan and rob all laughin and taking lots of pictures :D upon arrival it was lovely to see the gorgeous matt waiting and we were also joined by the rest of our lovely group, all of whom looked fantastic i might add, especially the never before seen black nailvarnish on a certain gentleman, whose girlfriend i have already thanked ;) we had an awesome night dancing like mad and taking photos and driking hehe, shame matt and his brother had to go early but it was a treat to see him none the less. the highlight song wise did have to be 'youth gone wild' but skid row, which me and rob were screaming along to hehe, right after 'you give love a bad name' so a great set :D it was great to see everyone mixing and gettin on well, having a great time so that was realy cool. just before leaving i also got ambushed in the toilets by a girl that really liked my dress so that was nice too ^-^ even though she then went on to ask about tattoos and i unfortunately had to go. the car trip back was fun and i got to do my tour guidy bit when we went over the bridge to see all the lights and the london eye by night which was a beautiful end to the evening. off to tap n tin tonight to see those that couldnt make it to london from kent and so should be just as much fun! thankyou again for all making my birthday so special, with your messages, cards, gifts and for coming out :) i had an amazing birthday thanks to everyone :D

the song for this post is therefore - Skid Rows - Youth gone Wild -

Since I was born they couldn't hold me down
Another misfit kid, another burned-out town

Never played by the rules I never really cared
My nasty reputation takes me everywhere

I look and see it's not only me
So many others have stood where I stand
We are the young so raise your hands

They call us problem child
We spend our lives on trial
We walk an endless mile
We are the youth gone wild
We stand and we won't fall
We're the one and one for all
The writing's on the wall
We are the youth gone wild

Boss screamin' in my ear about who I'm supposed to be
Getcha a 3-piece Wall Street smile and son you'll look just like me

I said "Hey man, there's something that you oughta know.
I tell ya Park Avenue leads to Skid Row."

I look and see it's not only me
We're standin' tall ain't never a doubt
We are the young, so shout it out

They call us problem child
We spend our lives on trial
We walk an endless mile
We are the youth gone wild
We stand and we won't fall
We're the one and one for all
The writing's on the wall
We are the youth gone wild

They call us problem child
We spend our lives on trial
We walk an endless mile
We are the youth gone wild
We stand and we won't fall
We're the one and one for all
The writing's on the wall
We are the youth gone wild
We are the youth gone wild

when i put my lips like this i want you to kiss me...

so, i looked for a song for this post but none seemed to fit.
looking over my last entries it has been very up n down - typical of cancerians lol
before i went to download i wasnt really happy with much and was glad to get away.
i did not however realise how much things could change in a week or so.
i arranged to meet up with matt at download and did on the first day, expecting him to see me again on the sunday maybe before we went home i was really really glad when it turned out that we spend alot of the weekend together going to see bands and just chillin :D i have finally found a guy that is really sweet, funny and is a genuinely lovely person, this guy is now my boyfriend :D
it is matts bday on wednesday and i have already sorted his card and gift, i so cant wait, and hes coming to see me because it would be a nice bday treat for him :D how cute!!! lol i realise i am now jus waffling hehe so il get back to the point.
im happy happy happy and glad i have finally found someone that makes me smile, and that thinks my smile is cute hehe double bonus :D
i have had fun booking my birthday stuff also so woop that should all be done soon but really it only matters that i am with my friends and my boyfriend having fun, so im thinking this is going to be the best birthday yet :D
yayyyyyyyyyyyyyy about time.

hanging on another day... just to see what you throw my way

this is a new song ive come across by lifehouse called broken, apparently it has also been on greys anatomy. the lyrics are...

The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time
I am here still waiting though i still have my doubts
I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain, there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you

The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead
I still see your reflection inside of my eyes
That are looking for a purpose, they're still looking for life

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
with a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain (in the pain), is there healing
In your name (in your name) I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')
I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm hangin' on another day
Just to see what you throw my way
And I'm hanging on to the words you say
You said that I will be OK

The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone
I may have lost my way now, haven't forgotten my way home

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
with a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain(In the pain) there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'),
I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'),
I'm barely holdin' on to you


i found it hard to find a song for this, as im finding it hard to find anything at the moment, uni is over and im lost. i dont feel i live in london and it is lonely and stressful being overlooked at work even though i work so hard. its hard to put on a front that you dont care when all you want to do is scream why am i not good enough! i am so sad at the moment and i cant for the life of me figure out why.
i just feel like crying all the time. things with the guy were going great but after a 2nd date he seems distant and busy and i just feel like i cant throw myself out there cos if i get rejected again im scared it will break me.
my brother called today from his training to get help filling out his will, hes in the army for basic training working with live explosives so its a precaution but at 18 and hes thinking about the end of his life. its scary to think about and everytime i do i just want to cry.
i dont know where im going and i dont know how to get the momentum to keep trying anymore. i seem to have lost so much and dont have a sense of belonging anywhere, i want to find someone who can be there and love me but everytime i try it seems to fail.
i watched the curious case of benjamin button yesterday which is a lovely film by the way, i guess thats why i liked the lyrics about the clocks at the beginning of this song because the film talks about a man who makes a clock that ticks backwards in order to somehow turn back time so his son comes home and hasnt died.
i dont know what im trying to say and i dont really know why im telling everyone because its only me that can drag myself out of this. i just dont want to be falling apart and putting on a face anymore, but at the same time i have to hold it together because noone else can do it for me.
i wrote to a friend yesterday asking for a hand, not knowing what i wanted or how they could help but it was an attempt at making an effort but they havent read it yet. i wonder what would happen if i called, what would i say, what would they say? would they hang up or would i cry? i hate this confusion and i cant see the light at the end of this tunnel even though i point it out for everyone else.
i miss my brother, i love him so much and he is someone i can talk to no matter what, he is the best person i know and better than me in every way. going to see him in catterick soon and i know i wont want to say goodbye again, i miss him and just want him home, so i can feel like im not alone, how selfish is that.

Our scars remind us that the past is real

I love this song by Papa Roach called Scars;

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And my scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

Drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
I'm pissed cause you came around
Why don't you just go home
Cause you channel all your pain
And I can't help you fix yourself
You're making me insane
All I can say is

[Chorus:]
I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

I tried to help you once
Against my own advice
I saw you going down
But you never realized
That you're drowning in the water
So I offered you my hand
Compassions in my nature
Tonight is our last stand

[Chorus]

I'm drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
You shouldn't ever come around
Why don't you just go home?
Cause you're drowning in the water
And I tried to grab your hand
And I left my heart open
But you didn't understand
But you didn't understand
Go fix yourself

I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life
I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life

[Chorus x2]

It is relevant to me atm as i am moving on with another chapter in my life, i have been let down by some people in the past who i have bent and broken myself for and i have always been aware that i try to take people under my wing but now i am almost free from this, back in kent and i have let them turn their backs for the last time. I am happy as i have learnt from it and am now moving on with my own life which i hope to say *touch wood* is on the up :D so this song just closes it for me and helps to remind me i did my best and thats all anyone can ask of me. From now on im going to do my best for the people that count and not lose the wrong people through being 'blind'. Thanks to all those people that have seen this blindness in the past and know me well enough to accept me for me because they care, you are my true friends and always will be :D

A kiss in the rain

I have just discovered this song myself but feel it sums up what i think at the moment :D

Sophie ellis bextor - new flame:

Have we met before? Or is that just to break the ice If our paths had crossed I should recall such paradise Inside me passion's stirring Forgive me, you're divine [Chorus 1:] My new flame speeding towards me A new flame to warm my heart I feel my temperature soaring My new flame what a spark Are you often here? Where d'you like to go? And can I come? All I know for me to speak so free It's not often done But with the way we're heading I figure we'll be fine[Chorus 2:][Chorus 1]My new flame hold me together The old flame fall apart Around me bridges are burning My new flame what a spark You release me You please me Hypnotise me Capsize me Fascinated Captivated Exaggerated Worth the wait-ed What a fire! [Chorus 2]

So have been chatting to a certain guy for a few days now, met up on friday, i know it was quick but just when you feel you know someone so well so i went for it. managed to get lost going from one exit to the other at charing cross which was funny and typically me, went for coffee, then to the cinema and i chose wagamamas which was ace, until i ordered noodles in soup and had only chopstiks or a HUGE wooden spoon to use so i naturally tried the chopsticks and not only did i have great difficulty eating it let alone elegantly lol he had finished way before me hehe but he still seemed happy and suggested wandering around, so went to st james's park, wandered around, kissed in the rain for a bit ;) then went onto the pub. The date started at 2pm and i left him when i got off the tube at my stop at 11.30 pm. we are meeting again on tuesday. i can officially say... the best first date ever! hoping not to jinx it but the man i have met is lovely and needed to share it with you. it is nice that when you keep telling yourself to hold out for that something special it actually does come around eventually. i shall sleep tonight as i did last night - in a blissful happy slumber of smiles, and i hope this feeling stays along with this wonderful guy :)