'GIVE'

'Give' by Leann Rimes

Everybody's reachin' for something
Every day a pullin' and tuggin'
And always wantin' a little more
Holdin' on to hurt like an anchor
Treatin' those we love like strangers
Takin' names who keepin' score
We all know, what we're really after
Somewhere along the road, we got it backwards

If you want to give love then give it
If you want to feel some forgiveness
Then you've gotta let go and do some forgiving of your own
If you want a friend then be one
A little bit of kindness show some
You'll be surprised of how much finds its way back home
It don't matter what it is
If you want it, give.

I been down right stubborn,
At one time or another,
And found it easier to bend.
I've had a shoulder to lean on
Been the one who got to be strong
And peace was waiting at both ends
I've felt the power, I've seen what it can do
It's seemed so simple, so simple that it's true

If you want to give love then give it
If you want to feel some forgiveness
Then you've gotta let go and do some forgiving of your own
If you want a friend then be one
A little bit of kindness show some
You'll be surprised of how much finds its way back home
It don't matter what it is
If you want it, give.

If you want a friend then be one
A little bit of kindness show some
You'll be surprised of how much finds its way back home
It don't matter what it is
If you want it, give.

--------

So I went to some galleries last month and although they were as good as ever and the experience is one that always calms me and makes me feel creative again, all i could think about when i got home was a woman i met. I do not know her name and i don’t think that really matters, she was and still is a stranger but that is why i can’t forget her. After going to the Camden arts centre i tried to walk to another small gallery a couple of tube stops away, and thanks to my ever successful navigation that is renowned for finding the scenic route to any destination whether planned or not! When I eventually ended up in the completely wrong direction, I gave in and got the tube then wandered around staring at my phone for directions. I arrived at west Hampstead early; the gallery wasn’t open so I sat on the wall of the local community centre which was conveniently opposite. As I sat there I looked at the area, it looked pretty deprived and the gallery something that may otherwise be mistaken for an old factory that had seen better days. As I waited, reading my books and looking around maybe looking a little lost, the community centre began to come to life, a portly man with glasses kindly telling some young students they needed to be on time in order to come along to the talks and tutorials he was holding. As I sat and read, I was approached by a lady of about 50, small round glasses and dark grey hair that was short but suited her well, she said hello and asked if I lived in the area, thinking she was maybe going to ask me to move along I said I wasn’t but I was waiting for the exhibition to open, she went on to chat to me about the gallery owners being nice and how she too often went to see what was on. She told me about a bring and buy sale they were holding and that I was welcome to come and have a look if I so wished, I said I would probably have a look later, but was still uncertain that I would. We continued to chat about her family and Kent where I had come from, it was then that she told me she had a relative that worked at the hospital right at the end of my road, making me feel like the world was becoming an ever smaller place as we spoke and made connections, she then left me to read and ponder. I kept looking at the time after she had left, seeing people going in and out the gallery with various files and keys, wondering if anytime was the right time to knock. Half an hour after the gallery was due to open the lady returned, this time with a tangerine which she gave to me in case I was hungry, I thanked her and began to eat it and as I did a small lady with red hair walked up and opened the gallery, she was screwing back a panel that had been removed to allow the door to close more easily. As she was doing this the hospitable lady from the community centre went over to her and they both seemed to look at me smiling. I finished my orange and went over feeling a little unsure as to what had been said, but as I approached I was thanked for waiting so patiently. I looked around the gallery and spoke to the invigilator who also turned out to be one of the artists so we spoke about her work and how it was to find the place as she had said the exhibition was very quiet but they remained undeterred in producing another show after this one. I left the gallery and decided to pop into the community centre to thank the lady and look at the sale; I bought from her a small blue beaded bracelet and wore it around all day. It seemed to give me a good sense of community even though I was just a visitor and not really a part of it at all; it is just now a small token to remind me of the day and this person that chose to talk to a stranger sat on a wall whom she did not know but felt compelled to chat to and make feel welcome even though she wasn’t likely to see me again. I think it is definitely something we need more of at times and a small reminder of how much we really can impact people even if we don’t think we are able to. I think this song relates well to this and reiterates that we all know what we want in life or even just our day, so why not show compassion to those that are too only human and may need some help along the way.

"Blue and Green"

"When I Look At You" miley cyrus

Everybody needs inspiration
Everybody needs a song
A beautiful melody
When the nights are so long

'cause there is no guarantee
That this life is easy

Yea when my world is falling apart
When there's no light
To break up the dark
That's when I
I look at you

When the waves are flooding the shore
And I can't find my way home any more
That's when I
I look at you

When I look at you
I see forgiveness
I see the truth
You love me for who I am
Like the stars hold the moon
Right there where they belong
And I know I'm not alone

Yeah when my world is falling apart
When there's no light
To break up the dark
That's when I
I look at you

When the waves are flooding the shore
And I can't find my way home any more
That's when I
I look at you

You appear just like a dream to me
Just like kaleidoscope colors that cover me
All I need
Every breath that I breathe
Don't you know you're beautiful
Yeah yeah

When the waves are flooding the shore
And I can't find my way home any more
That's when I
I look at you

I look at you
Yeah
Whoa-oh
You appear just like a dream to me.

------------------

its funny how people see themselves so differently to how other people see them, a bit like how one can see the sea as blue and green and another can see initially every colour but blue and green. i think there is something to be said when you have a reason to stare at someone and you arent sure why, even though it is fascinating the way they walk up a hill with their eyes closed to take in the breeze, or point out all the landmarks that have not only a history behind them but a person. You know they have a way with people when they see a roman ruin and think of the number of the settlers that would have occupied the space and so realise it would not need to have been very large at all. you stare to catch the half poker faced smile they're hiding and wonder why it is they try to hide it when it is so clear they are happy.
i have not blogged in a while but i have found need to in order to almost return the favour of smiling and feeling humbled when someone else describes you and in some way try to put babble into sentences. however even if it makes no sense i know there will be meaning none the less, after all once it is written the author is able to step back and allow their work to be interpreted, or so i have been told.
i found this song appropriate not only to its references to particular natural elements but also the reference to the light that breaks up the dark, the person that tries to make it a little less mundane and revels in the fact that for a day at least they have given you space to think, and be yourself. no demand for talk and for activity just time, giggles and glances.
thankyou for your time, and mutual feelings of wanting to push small children off of platforms for being mean to canadians hehe ;)

Hero Of War

new year and i should keep more up to date with my blog so i thought id start off with something i did for a friends essay research as its relevent here too.

firstly looking through the reviews of other peoples feedback on the songs they love i got the daunting feeling that my reasons would not be in any way comparable because having no background in music, other than loving to listen to it and dance away i dont feel i connect in the same way to the songs i love, in that i do not like them for the way they are composed or the tempo of the piece. i feel that i can relate mostly to the lyrics of a song, as someone that loves to read and write poetry i think it because of this link that i focus on this.
looking through my media player i could not find a song that stood out from the rest, so instead i chose based on that when i heard this song played live, is the only song to have ever made me cry at a gig. a song being able to provoke such a reaction in someone i feel has got to have some kind of strong bond with the listener.
i have chosen 'hero of war' by Rise Against as even though i only came across the band within the last year i think it is due to the politics within their music, particularly their lyrics that correlates to the things i have been experiencing around the same time, and some of the questions i have considered during this time.
the song is sang as a ballad about a father talking to his son and encouraging him to become a soldier but the song then turns to the songs perspective of war, and how it is not as glorified as it is often portrayed in the media. at the time of becoming aware of this song my brother had recently joined the H.M army infantry division and was in his basic training, with his reasons often being that he wanted to help fight for his country and instead of being an engineer etc he wanted to ' be on the frontline doing something '.
i think this is why the lyrics ' a hero of war, thats what i'l be, and when i come home they'll be damn proud of me' hit home, because having bad experiences my brother left his training 4 months in, after deliberating about coming home for a month before he left, fearing that we would be dissapointed in him for failing when all we really wanted was him home safe. for these personal reasons i like and relate to the song because it makes me think about the strong bonds i have with my brother and also in a way evokes that fear i had for a while that in the future there was a possability my family and i might lose him as a result of war.
the song also touches on ideas of perspective, how the job is glorified by his dad, telling him it would open doors for him, allowing him to travel, see the world and get paid, but the son does not talk about these ideallic experiences at all. i think this idea of political perspective and similarly for individuals is important because often they way things are advertised are often skewed by the intentions of the advertiser, and there is an ongoing prominence in the media whereby a soldiers view of not having enough equipment and support is risking their life, is due to a budget cut from someone elses paperwork who likely has no experience of war.
i think the title for the albumn 'appeal to reason' shows the bands intention not to force people to become anti war but just to open their minds to new suggestions and almost look through anothers eyes at the situation and maybe make a more informed decision. like much music if it asks you to stop, listen and rethink things, it is bound to get the listener on a deeper level than just passively listening, and this song definately does this in my opinion and is a reason for me liking it so much.

You're my cuppycake, gumdrop, snoogums - boogums....

ok so i noticed i hadnt posted anything since the incidence of the hippies in trees. alots been going on, i have been to visit my friends in kingston university and their freshers seem much tamer than ours were however they do have some lovely shops and a beautiful view and access to the river thames which made me realise how much i miss living by the sea in kent and i am considering moving in with friends there after university, but its a year away so we shall see.
i start back at uni on monday and i cannot wait, i am seeing my friend sorrel for shopping on saturday and i have a little date on sunday so we shall see... again haha. i also have successfully found myself a job at a lovely little jewellers and start there next week, where i am being left in charge after only 4/5 days there so i am thrilled to find someone has realised my capabilities and feel it will do wonders for my cv, plus i get to window shop while at work hehe :D
i have also decided i need to save more so i found a gorgeous little money box in new look for only £4 after discount, it is a kind of backwards way to save seeing as i spent money on getting it as someone has already pointed out to me but hopefully its forward and helpful from here on.
not much else really, have a few gigs coming up which i am excited about and frieze art fair which also proves interesting, found a couple of new art magasines i reccommend - juxtapoze (about art and culture) and the illustrated ape (art and music) especially issue 28 which features art created by radiohead and maximo park.
OH and there is th tour/exhibition coming up at the national gallery called 'rock and roll london' it says " see beatles to bowie: the 60s exposed then strut your stuff through the streets of london as blue badge guide kevin molloy leads a walking tour illuminating the hip people and funky places of swinging london in the 1960's." it is on saturday the 31 oct 2009 or sunday 1st nov 09 but i think the saturday would be easier for me, it is £20 for concessions for the exhibition and tour and i am going as it will help with my dissotation but if anyone wishes to join just let me know :D
and finally i think we should all buy a pumpkin to carve for halloween to decorate the front porch, and all go to electric ballroom for gothic scary halloweeness :D

the song for this post is going to be: the cupcake song

You're my Honeybunch, Sugarplum
Pumpy-umpy-umpkin, You're my Sweetie Pie
You're my Cuppycake, Gumdrop
Snoogums-Boogums, You're the Apple of my Eye
And I love you so and I want you to know
That I'll always be right here
And I love to sing sweet songs to you
Because you are so dear

the link to the song - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a312hgYuIG0
ENJOY! :D

know your rights.....

went to central london today to see some exhibitions and things on in london, jeff koons was good and worth seeing, went to the photographers gallery and the museum of childhood OMG that place is awesome hehe me and chris were wandering around like ooo i had that and chilled playing checkers before looking at some illustrations by Roald Dahl done for his books and having lunch there. i must say though the highlight of the day was a trip to regents park to see the tree houses that have been build there, they are huge and you can walk up inside them, there is an open stage area and an artist carving a seat from oak wood so its worth a see. we were taking pictures and hanging around when we got invited to a poetry reading group thing in the main tree house, went along and it was about human rights and apparently most poets have something to protest, although i did not agree it was raised a few points such as what are human rights and should prisoners have a vote etc... to which i think they should as they are still human. the woman however read a few of her poems and they were apparently about identity and how she felt when she comes here and people say oh how long are you here for and she replies 3 years.... she was saying how they make her feel like she should be going home or shouldnt belong here but i thought it amusing how she refered to people as they, a collective disciminating against her when really it was just that 1/2 people and so she is being quite vague when generalising to the rest of a population which is something she feels is wrong no? anyways we left her and went on to see a lovely opera performer in the stage area who had a piano accompanyment and it was lovely. but i thought it was interesting and so i would post the 30 rights we have as stated in the declaration of human rights if ur interested :D

1. all human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights.
2. everyone is entitled to all the rights and freedoms set forth in this
declaration, without distinctionof any kind.
3. everyone has the right to life, liberty and security of person.
4. no one shall be held in slavery or servitude. slavery and the slave trade shall
be prohibited in all their forms.
5. no one shall be subjected to torture or to cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment
or punishment.
6. everyone everywhere has the right to recognition as a person before the law.
7. all are equal before the law and are entitled without any discrimination to equal
protection of the law.
8. everyone has the right to an effective remedy if their rights are not respected.
9. noone shall be subjected to arbitrary arrest, detention or exile.
10.everyone charged with a crime is entititled equally to a fair and public hearing
by an independent and impartial tribunal.
11.everyone charged with a penal offence has the right to be presumed innocent until
proven guilty.
12.noone shall be subjected to arbitrary interference with their privacy, family,
home or correspondonce, nor suffer attacks on their reputation.
13.everyone has the right to freedom of movement.
14.everyone has the right to seek and to enjoy in other countries asylum from
persecution.
15.everyone has the right to a nationality.
16.men and women... have the right to marry and to found a family.
17.everyone has the right to own property.
18.everyone has the right to freedom of thought, conscience and religion.
19." " to freedom of opinion and expression and to seek, recieve and impart
information though any media and regardless of frontiers.
20." " to freedom of peaceful assembly and association.
21." " to take part in the government of their country. the will of the people
shall be the basis of the authority of government.
22.everyone, as a member of society, has the right to social security and is entitled to realisation... of... economic, social and cultural rights.
23." " right to work... to form and join trade unions.
24. " " to rest and leisure.
25. "" to a standard of living adequate for health and wellbeing.
26. right to education.
27. " " to freely participate in the cultural life of the community.
28. everyone is entitled to a social and international order in which all these
rights and freedoms can be fully realised.
29. everyone has duties to the community.
30. no governments, groups or individuals should destroy any of these rights or
freedoms.

in the discussion it was thought that some of these are out of date, for example civil partneships are not covered, education is compulsory in this declaration... etc

ANYWAYS>.. on a lighter note, half day at work tomo and going to tesco after to get ingredients to make matt a roast as its his fave and some fudge pudding im gonna cook woop so hope it goes well and i dont burn anything hehe.

Song for this post is therefore 'know your rights' by the clash but covered by pearl jam so to those who may also know this and be seein pearl jam on tuesday ;) hope ya have a good time :D

this is a public service announcement
with guitar
know your rights
#1
you got a right not to kill
murder is a crime
unless it is done
unless it is done by a policeman
or an aristocrat
oh, know your rights
#2
you have the right to food money
provided at cost,
you don't mind a little investigation, humiliation
and if you cross your fingers
perhaps retaliation
know you rights
these are your rights
know your...
know these rights
#3
you have the right to free speech
as long as you're not dumb enough to actually try it
know your rights
these are your rights
know your rights
these are your rights
for freedom
ha!
maybe it's been suggested in some quarters,
that this is not enough
so get up, get up and scream, oh!!
get up and scream, ahh oh!!

'No one can make me feel this way, you always seem to brighten up my day'

not done a post in a while so thought i would update.. went to the london aquarium with matt today, was really nice cos got to spend time with matt before he goes away to sonisphere for the weekend and before he meets the parents next week :D i know theyre going to think he is awesome just like i do. london aquarium was lovely but i did love the terrapins most, they are sooo very sweet.
I also was reminded of a phrase that i love today : "where words fail, music speaks" which just really reminds me about why i called this blog what i did, because like art i feel music even more so speaks to everyone which is a feeling i love, just that a song or feeling in lyrics and a mood of a song can help people through the lows and help to celebrate the highs, i got lots of books on music and art from the library the other day so i can try n get reading to carry on my dissotation draft as this is my topic, music as a kind of art for the masses and it is this kind of ability to reach in and evoke emotion in people that i feel some art lacks and is why i am interested in works that relate to the self and are sometimes intereactive.
anyways i found a song to sum up life at the moment, particularly in the relationship area ^-^

Happy by Brandy:

I don't even know
How it got this way
When I first met you
I never thought your love was true
But I'm glad I saw just what was in store
All the while you plan to be my man
Now I'm in love with you

You make me happy
You make me feel so good
With the things you do for me
Oh baby can't you see that
You make me happy
Make me feel so good
With the things you do for me
Oh baby, baby, baby

In search of happiness
Tryin' to find thatone
Who can make my life so complete baby
If I only knew that someone was you boy
There would have been more happy days
So don't you go away

No one can make me feel this way
You always seem to brighten up my day

There is a time and a place for everything...

someone tagged a photo i had taken in berlin and it reminded me of a poem i could not quite recall so i looked it up :

To everything there is a season,
And a time to every purpose under the heaven.
A time to be born, and a time to die;
A time to plant, and a time to pluck
that which is planted;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to get, and a time to lose;
A time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to love, and a time to hate;
A time of war, and time of peace.

-Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

I then remembered this poem is quoted in footloose which is an awesome film but I love this poem and the photo so i thought i would post it, i love it because it is hopeful, it reminds me and others (i think) that when your down its ok because that is the time to be sad but there will come a time to be happy again and it will be all the more joyful because you have that sadness to compare it to. I am happy at the moment and im glad i held out for that special time to come about, just to remind all my friends if you are down and feel its not worth fighting or things are never going to look up, it is worth it, things will get better and you will never look back :D

My first post as a 21 year old...

so..... last night was my 21st birthday, after many facebook messages (thankyou all) and spending the day shopping and having a pub lunch with megan it was time to get ready for the club that is electric ballroom for the evening woooo!! I recieved some beautiful presents all of which were very thoughtful and greatly appreciated. the drive up to the club was fun, me, matt, jaz, tammy, megan and rob all laughin and taking lots of pictures :D upon arrival it was lovely to see the gorgeous matt waiting and we were also joined by the rest of our lovely group, all of whom looked fantastic i might add, especially the never before seen black nailvarnish on a certain gentleman, whose girlfriend i have already thanked ;) we had an awesome night dancing like mad and taking photos and driking hehe, shame matt and his brother had to go early but it was a treat to see him none the less. the highlight song wise did have to be 'youth gone wild' but skid row, which me and rob were screaming along to hehe, right after 'you give love a bad name' so a great set :D it was great to see everyone mixing and gettin on well, having a great time so that was realy cool. just before leaving i also got ambushed in the toilets by a girl that really liked my dress so that was nice too ^-^ even though she then went on to ask about tattoos and i unfortunately had to go. the car trip back was fun and i got to do my tour guidy bit when we went over the bridge to see all the lights and the london eye by night which was a beautiful end to the evening. off to tap n tin tonight to see those that couldnt make it to london from kent and so should be just as much fun! thankyou again for all making my birthday so special, with your messages, cards, gifts and for coming out :) i had an amazing birthday thanks to everyone :D

the song for this post is therefore - Skid Rows - Youth gone Wild -

Since I was born they couldn't hold me down
Another misfit kid, another burned-out town

Never played by the rules I never really cared
My nasty reputation takes me everywhere

I look and see it's not only me
So many others have stood where I stand
We are the young so raise your hands

They call us problem child
We spend our lives on trial
We walk an endless mile
We are the youth gone wild
We stand and we won't fall
We're the one and one for all
The writing's on the wall
We are the youth gone wild

Boss screamin' in my ear about who I'm supposed to be
Getcha a 3-piece Wall Street smile and son you'll look just like me

I said "Hey man, there's something that you oughta know.
I tell ya Park Avenue leads to Skid Row."

I look and see it's not only me
We're standin' tall ain't never a doubt
We are the young, so shout it out

They call us problem child
We spend our lives on trial
We walk an endless mile
We are the youth gone wild
We stand and we won't fall
We're the one and one for all
The writing's on the wall
We are the youth gone wild

They call us problem child
We spend our lives on trial
We walk an endless mile
We are the youth gone wild
We stand and we won't fall
We're the one and one for all
The writing's on the wall
We are the youth gone wild
We are the youth gone wild

when i put my lips like this i want you to kiss me...

so, i looked for a song for this post but none seemed to fit.
looking over my last entries it has been very up n down - typical of cancerians lol
before i went to download i wasnt really happy with much and was glad to get away.
i did not however realise how much things could change in a week or so.
i arranged to meet up with matt at download and did on the first day, expecting him to see me again on the sunday maybe before we went home i was really really glad when it turned out that we spend alot of the weekend together going to see bands and just chillin :D i have finally found a guy that is really sweet, funny and is a genuinely lovely person, this guy is now my boyfriend :D
it is matts bday on wednesday and i have already sorted his card and gift, i so cant wait, and hes coming to see me because it would be a nice bday treat for him :D how cute!!! lol i realise i am now jus waffling hehe so il get back to the point.
im happy happy happy and glad i have finally found someone that makes me smile, and that thinks my smile is cute hehe double bonus :D
i have had fun booking my birthday stuff also so woop that should all be done soon but really it only matters that i am with my friends and my boyfriend having fun, so im thinking this is going to be the best birthday yet :D
yayyyyyyyyyyyyyy about time.

hanging on another day... just to see what you throw my way

this is a new song ive come across by lifehouse called broken, apparently it has also been on greys anatomy. the lyrics are...

The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time
I am here still waiting though i still have my doubts
I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain, there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you

The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead
I still see your reflection inside of my eyes
That are looking for a purpose, they're still looking for life

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
with a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain (in the pain), is there healing
In your name (in your name) I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')
I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm hangin' on another day
Just to see what you throw my way
And I'm hanging on to the words you say
You said that I will be OK

The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone
I may have lost my way now, haven't forgotten my way home

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
with a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain(In the pain) there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'),
I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'),
I'm barely holdin' on to you


i found it hard to find a song for this, as im finding it hard to find anything at the moment, uni is over and im lost. i dont feel i live in london and it is lonely and stressful being overlooked at work even though i work so hard. its hard to put on a front that you dont care when all you want to do is scream why am i not good enough! i am so sad at the moment and i cant for the life of me figure out why.
i just feel like crying all the time. things with the guy were going great but after a 2nd date he seems distant and busy and i just feel like i cant throw myself out there cos if i get rejected again im scared it will break me.
my brother called today from his training to get help filling out his will, hes in the army for basic training working with live explosives so its a precaution but at 18 and hes thinking about the end of his life. its scary to think about and everytime i do i just want to cry.
i dont know where im going and i dont know how to get the momentum to keep trying anymore. i seem to have lost so much and dont have a sense of belonging anywhere, i want to find someone who can be there and love me but everytime i try it seems to fail.
i watched the curious case of benjamin button yesterday which is a lovely film by the way, i guess thats why i liked the lyrics about the clocks at the beginning of this song because the film talks about a man who makes a clock that ticks backwards in order to somehow turn back time so his son comes home and hasnt died.
i dont know what im trying to say and i dont really know why im telling everyone because its only me that can drag myself out of this. i just dont want to be falling apart and putting on a face anymore, but at the same time i have to hold it together because noone else can do it for me.
i wrote to a friend yesterday asking for a hand, not knowing what i wanted or how they could help but it was an attempt at making an effort but they havent read it yet. i wonder what would happen if i called, what would i say, what would they say? would they hang up or would i cry? i hate this confusion and i cant see the light at the end of this tunnel even though i point it out for everyone else.
i miss my brother, i love him so much and he is someone i can talk to no matter what, he is the best person i know and better than me in every way. going to see him in catterick soon and i know i wont want to say goodbye again, i miss him and just want him home, so i can feel like im not alone, how selfish is that.

Our scars remind us that the past is real

I love this song by Papa Roach called Scars;

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And my scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

Drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
I'm pissed cause you came around
Why don't you just go home
Cause you channel all your pain
And I can't help you fix yourself
You're making me insane
All I can say is

[Chorus:]
I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

I tried to help you once
Against my own advice
I saw you going down
But you never realized
That you're drowning in the water
So I offered you my hand
Compassions in my nature
Tonight is our last stand

[Chorus]

I'm drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
You shouldn't ever come around
Why don't you just go home?
Cause you're drowning in the water
And I tried to grab your hand
And I left my heart open
But you didn't understand
But you didn't understand
Go fix yourself

I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life
I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life

[Chorus x2]

It is relevant to me atm as i am moving on with another chapter in my life, i have been let down by some people in the past who i have bent and broken myself for and i have always been aware that i try to take people under my wing but now i am almost free from this, back in kent and i have let them turn their backs for the last time. I am happy as i have learnt from it and am now moving on with my own life which i hope to say *touch wood* is on the up :D so this song just closes it for me and helps to remind me i did my best and thats all anyone can ask of me. From now on im going to do my best for the people that count and not lose the wrong people through being 'blind'. Thanks to all those people that have seen this blindness in the past and know me well enough to accept me for me because they care, you are my true friends and always will be :D

A kiss in the rain

I have just discovered this song myself but feel it sums up what i think at the moment :D

Sophie ellis bextor - new flame:

Have we met before? Or is that just to break the ice If our paths had crossed I should recall such paradise Inside me passion's stirring Forgive me, you're divine [Chorus 1:] My new flame speeding towards me A new flame to warm my heart I feel my temperature soaring My new flame what a spark Are you often here? Where d'you like to go? And can I come? All I know for me to speak so free It's not often done But with the way we're heading I figure we'll be fine[Chorus 2:][Chorus 1]My new flame hold me together The old flame fall apart Around me bridges are burning My new flame what a spark You release me You please me Hypnotise me Capsize me Fascinated Captivated Exaggerated Worth the wait-ed What a fire! [Chorus 2]

So have been chatting to a certain guy for a few days now, met up on friday, i know it was quick but just when you feel you know someone so well so i went for it. managed to get lost going from one exit to the other at charing cross which was funny and typically me, went for coffee, then to the cinema and i chose wagamamas which was ace, until i ordered noodles in soup and had only chopstiks or a HUGE wooden spoon to use so i naturally tried the chopsticks and not only did i have great difficulty eating it let alone elegantly lol he had finished way before me hehe but he still seemed happy and suggested wandering around, so went to st james's park, wandered around, kissed in the rain for a bit ;) then went onto the pub. The date started at 2pm and i left him when i got off the tube at my stop at 11.30 pm. we are meeting again on tuesday. i can officially say... the best first date ever! hoping not to jinx it but the man i have met is lovely and needed to share it with you. it is nice that when you keep telling yourself to hold out for that something special it actually does come around eventually. i shall sleep tonight as i did last night - in a blissful happy slumber of smiles, and i hope this feeling stays along with this wonderful guy :)

Too much to ask

It's the first time I've ever felt this lonely, Wish someone cure this pain It's funny when you think it's gonna work out Till you chose weed over me you’re so lame I thought you were cool until the point, Up until the point you didn't call me when you said you would Finally figured out you're all the same, Always coming up with some kind of story Every time I try to make you smile, You're always feeling sorry for yourself Every time I try to make you laugh, You can't your too tough You think you're loveless Is that too much that I’m askin for? Thought you'd come around when I ignored you, Sorta thought you'd have the decency to change But babe I guess you didn't take that warning, ’Cause I'm not about to look at your face again Can't you see that you lie to yourself? You can't see the world through a mirror It won't be too late when the smoke clears’ Cause I, I am still here But every time I try to make you smile, You'd always grow up feeling sorry for yourself Every time I try to make you laugh, You stand like a stone, Alone in your zone Is that too much that I’m askin for? Yeah-eya yeah-eya Can't find where I am, lying here alone in fear, Afraid of the dark, no one to claim alone again YEAH-EYA EYA EYA Can't you see that you lie to yourself? You can't see the world through a mirror, It won't be too late when the smoke clears’ Cause I, I am still here Every time I try to make you smile, You're always feeling sorry for yourself Every time I try to make you laugh,You can't your too tough You think you're loveless It was too much that I asked him for.

this song is 'Too much to ask' by Avril Lavigne,

I dont actually feel that lonely anymore but i have been for some time, its just hard when people say your lovely but your still alone. A person once gave me advice and said dont make my mistake and chase someone who doesnt care which i have been doing for some time now, its also harder when its them your chasing and they dont even realise. However, i have opened my eyes and i have decided to get on track and wait for someone who cares about me like i do them. I will not settle as i dont deserve to. This song still resounds that it is hard for some people to give the simplest things even though you give them so much. I also love the line 'you cant see the world through a mirror' to me this is someone looking at themselves and catching glimpses of the world around them but sometimes you do just have to look through your eyes or even through the eyes of others in a completely selfless way, it is knowing when to and when not to do this that i am working on in my life at the moment.

This idea also relates to my artwork which is often about self image and sterotypes, ideas of glamour so i may delve further into this!

Until then just to let you know i have a date with a lovely guy named james on friday :)

wish me luck x

My first post

So it seems everyone has a blog, well i have also decided to follow as it were and use this to post about life and my artwork and stuff im just generally interested in. Im a big fan of alternative therapies such as art and music therapy so i decided to call my blog 'music is what feelings sound like' this is as i usually have a song to which i can relate to at the time of any event or turmoil, so in keeping with this i will choose a song related to my posts and display the lyrics :D
The song i am listening to over and over at the moment has to be ' Come in with the rain by Taylor Swift' the lyrics being :

I could go back to every laugh, But I don't wanna' go there anymore, And I know all the steps up to your door, But I don't wanna' go there anymore. Talk to the wind, talk to the sky, Talk to the man with the reasons why, And let me know what you find. I’ll leave my window open, ‘Cause I’m too tired at night to call your name. Just know I’m right here hopin’, That you’ll come in with the rain. I could stand up and sing you a song, But I don’t wanna’ have to go that far. And I, I’ve got you down, I know you by heart, And you don’t even know where I start. Talk to yourself, talk to the tears, Talk to the man who put you here, And don’t wait for the sky to clear. I’ll leave my window open, ‘Cus I’m too tired at night to call your name. Oh, just know I’m right here hopin’, That you’ll come in with the rain. I’ve watched you so long, Screamed your name, I don’t know what else I can say. But I’ll leave my window open, ‘Cus I’m too tired at night for all these games. Just know I’m right here hopin’, That you’ll come in with the rain. I could go back to every laugh, But I don’t wanna’ go there anymore…

I love this song as it for me is talking about how it can be really tiresome keep fighting for something that never really comes about, and no matter how much you want to shut things out you can't. Like its normally leaving a door open but a window is smaller, so more like she doesnt want to give so much anymore but cant bear to completely let go, yet hopes when times get hard (the rain) that person will come back and maybe things will be ok.